Best Dark Humor Jokes & Memes to make you laugh Hilariously

In this world, there are very few people who find those things funny, who are not related to fun in any way. If you count yourself in those people, then today here you came at the perfect platform. Do you know, A study that shows those who loves Dark Humor Jokes are more intelligent than normal persons?

For you, today here we have brought a collection of 700+ Best Dark Humor Jokes, Orphans Dark Humor Jokes, Dark, Humor Jokes Memes, and No Limits Dark Humor Jokes. Hope you will love our Collection.

Best Dark Humor Jokes

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired.

Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far!
Yeah, the catapult is really amazing. Go get our daughter!

I was sad to hear the Head of Latin at my old Catholic school died yesterday.
A mass will be said for him later today. And amo. And amat.

They say in every friend group there is one willing to commit murder.
I killed the guy I suspected before he could do any harm.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

My elderly relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

The lady at the job center: “I can offer you 3 positions.”
Me: “That’s very nice of you but what about a job?”

I really don’t understand the world anymore.
Peter (89), lost his hearing aid.

What is the only phone you can give to an orphan without being insensitive?
iPhone 11 – It doesn’t have a home button.

Very Dark Humor Jokes

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!”
“Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

People are like trees… They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

If at first, you don’t succeed… Then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? It’s butt.

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

You can’t say that Hitler was bad through and through. He did kill Hitler, after all.

“Siri, why am I still single?!” Siri activates the front camera.

My Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo. Mommy, mommy, I found daddy! – How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!

“An excellent choice,” says the marriage officiant to the groom, “the lady is very popular, I’m already seeing her here for the fifth time!”

What do all suicide bombers have in common?
None of them are willing to die alone.

Black Humor Jokes

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99 per cent of you will never get it.

Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.

Mother, what are the bones doing in the piranha aquarium? Mother? Mooootttthhhheeeer!!!

I asked my mirror yesterday if there is anybody prettier than me. The bastard is still reciting names.

Best Orphans Dark Humor Jokes

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.

Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

knock knock. orphan: whos there? not your parents

Hi, Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?

Welcome to daves orphanage. You make it We take it

Why do orphans work boomerangs? Because it’s the only thing that comes back

What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising

Two highlanders are talking, “Say, what would you do if a bear suddenly started attacking your wife?”
“Why would I have to do anything?! He started it, let him defend himself!”

“My dad drives like the lightning!”
“Wow, he’s that good, yeah?”
“Well I don’t know. He drives really fast and from time to time he hits a tree.”

“Whose ugly child is that?!”
“Excuse me?! That’s my daughter!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were the father.”
“You what?! I am her mother!!”

Dark Humor Jokes Memes

No Limits Dark Humor Jokes

You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.

The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

1. I don’t have a carbon footprint.
I just drive everywhere.

2. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted.

3. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

4. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say?
“T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!”

5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away…
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

6. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

7. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

8. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”
So we stopped playing chess.

9. Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

10. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.

Feeling cheesy? Try these corny jokes that will make everyone laugh while they roll their eyes.

11. Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

12. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.

13. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

14. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

15. I childproofed my house
Somehow they still got in!

16. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

17. What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?
Biting into an apple and discovering half a worm.

18. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

19. My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried — I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf

20. You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

21. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

22. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate.

23. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”

24. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

25. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour? Its butt.

26. My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.

27. A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

28. Imagine when you walked into a bar and there was a lengthy line of individuals ready to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

29. Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”

30. “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

31. My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

32. Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.

33. I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.

34. A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.

35. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic.
I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

If you’re in need for a quick joke to pull out of your pocket at the next party, don’t miss the funniest one-liners.

36. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.

37. My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

38. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

39. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

40. I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.

41. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

42. What rhymes with “boo” and stinks?
You.

43. I have a fish that can breakdance.
Just for 20 seconds though and only once.

44. What’s pink and dangerous for your tooth?
A brick.

If these dark jokes are feeling a little too dark, check out these “why did the chicken cross the road” jokes to lighten the mood.

45. “I work with animals,” the man says to his date.
“That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?”
“I’m a butcher,” he says.

46. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

47. Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked, “Which one is yours?” I replied, “I’m still deciding.”
They looked horrified.

48. My mother said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Turns out I’m adopted.

49. When my uncle Frank died, he needed his ashes to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His final wish was to be Frank in Stein.

50. Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.

51. Do the very last thing my grandfather stated to me earlier than he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

52. Well, it is true that humans eat more bananas than monkeys just as recent research suggests. I agree because I can’t remember when last I enjoyed eating a monkey.

53. Today I made a decision to go go to my childhood house. I asked the residents if I may come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door on my face. My mother and father are the worst.

54. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny automobile.

1. “Siri, why am I still single?!”

*Siri activates front camera.*

2. I don’t have a carbon footprint.

I just drive everywhere.

3. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say?

“T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!”

4. What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

5. Tombstone engraving:

I TOLD you I was sick.

6. It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

7. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

8. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?

Its butt.

9. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

10. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.

11. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

12. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.

They’re always so twisted.

13. You’re not completely useless.

You can always serve as a bad example.

14. I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I now live in constant fear.

15. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate.

16. Why did the mailman die?

Because everybody dies.

17. What’s the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.

18. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing.

Except at a funeral.

19. Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the morgue.” Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!” Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

20. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

21. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

22. What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

23. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

24. Just say NO to drugs!

Well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

25. My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

26. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

27. Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

28. My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

29. My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good that I didn’t even care.

30. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

31. The cemetery is so overcrowded.

People are just dying to get in.

32. What rhymes with “boo” and stinks?

You.

33. Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.” Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.” Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?” Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

34. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

35. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

36. My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

37. I hope Death is a woman.

That way it will never look at me twice.

38. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

39. My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.

40. Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well.

41. Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.

I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.

42. What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral?

Nothing.

43. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”

So we stopped playing chess.

44. Why do vampires seem sick?

They’re always coffin.

45. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

46. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

47. If at first you don’t succeed… then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. (credit: Steven Wright)

48. I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

49. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

50. What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler.

51. I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

52. Man: “I work with animals.”

Woman: “That’s so sweet. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” Man: “I work in the butcher shop up the street.”

53. What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A dead goldfish.

54. What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

You can’t jelly a clown into a tiny car.

55. What did the husband say after he was caught masturbating to an optical illusion?

“Hon, it’s not what it looks like!”

56. You know why I hate The Lion King song “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King”?

If you think about it, it could be called “I Just Can’t Wait for My Dad to Be Killed in a Stampede.”

57. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

58. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

59. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

60. An apple a day keeps the doctor away…

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

61. I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

62. Today I went to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

63. Why was the leper hockey game canceled?

There was a face-off in the corner.

64. They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

65. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

66. My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried — I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf

67. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

68. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic.

I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

69. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

70. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

71. A man wakes from a coma.

His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

72. What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi, Mom!”

73. What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal?

Sixty million years.

74. Did you hear the joke about Dark Matter?

It’s going to swallow us whole one day.

75. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

76. Why did the man miss the funeral?

He wasn’t a mourning person.

77. I was watching my daughter at the park, and a woman turned to me and asked, “Which one’s yours?”

For fun, I said, “I’m still choosing.” She looked terrified.

78. When I was in the grocery store, I tripped, and a woman saw.

I turned to her and said, “Sorry, it’s been a while since I possessed a body.”

79. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

80. My buddy died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.